Celebrate Recovery Success
Today Darren is a successful employee of Banners.com, a Ministry leader for Celebrate Recovery, a devoted Christian, and a loving family man. But that wasn't always the case for Darren. Here is his story.
Darren's Celebrate Recovery Story
My name is Darren. I am a believer who is in recovery. I struggle with talking about being a Christian and walking the life of a Son of God. Today I struggle with pride, lust, selfishness and envy. I struggle with allowing God to remove all the things I brought into my life to make me feel better about myself, and all of the things that would make me appear to be something other than me.
The Insanity of my Past
My father was killed working on the freeway when I was 14. I had a two year old little brother and my mom was pregnant. I was totally unprepared for being the man of the house, and it didn't take long for me to find comfort and confidence in the drugs that were readily available to me (my uncle was cooking meth in the house).
For the next 10 years I lived my life pretty much the same. I worked to get a pay check so I could pretend like I had my life figured out on the weekends. I spend the money I had worked all week for in a matter of a few hours. I relied on my looks and smooth talk to keep me in a steady flow of dysfunctional relationships that usually only lasted a couple of months. It didn't take people long to figure out that I was not who I was pretending to be.
By the time I was 27, I realized that the people who went to work every day were insane. I decided that I was no longer going to go to work; I was going to be a full-time gangster. By the time I was 28 I carried a gun everywhere. Armed robberies, burglaries and robbing drug dealers had become a way of life for me. My life had become totally unmanageable. I lived from tragedy to tragedy and consequence to consequence. I ended up hurting everyone around me, my loved ones most of all.
I went to prison at 29 for grand theft auto, possession of a controlled substance, under the influence and assault on a police officer. The next 10 years were a blur - when it was all said and done, I had been to prison six times before my 38th birthday.
Through it all, I knew who God was. My step dad was a pastor and had been a part of my life for the past 20 years before he died suddenly of a heart attack during my last term in prison. I knew God alright - I knew I needed to do whatever it took not to be alone with any sober thoughts of what my life could be like, or should be like.
So, I treated God like I treated everyone around me. I said and did the meanest things I could think of in hopes that they would both just go away. I avoided my family at all costs. Just seeing them would spark emotions that were really close to reality - too close to the hope I had completely given up on.
My attitude towards people around me was very simple. If I could gain or benefit from you, I was all for it. I was completely self-absorbed and geared towards the three things that made me feel the best about me: money, drugs and sex. I relied on my natural ability to manipulate people to get me there and if that didn’t work, I would resort to violence.
My Lowest Point
I know it is hard to believe that it gets worse, but it does. I am in a relationship with my wonderful wife to be. I am trying my best to have a relationship with God and to do the right things. I have just returned to California from Minnesota where I met some of the greatest men I have ever known. They loved me, accepted me, and helped me to find the courage to get my life right. In the months that follow, my daughter is born.
I was unable to meet the responsibility of being a father and I abandoned them both to once again return to the life of crime. I was committing several felonies a week to have enough drugs to not feel anything. My daughter was born in May, and by October I was in handcuffs and back in prison for the 7th time. As I rode out of the parking lot in the back of the police car, we went past my truck and I realized there was enough evidence in there to tie me to at least three burglaries, breaking and entering and possession of stolen property. All of these things were on top of failure to report to my parole officer, absconding and fleeing the state.
Along the way I had lost all hope of being normal. I had lost my dignity and my identity. I was preparing to spend the rest of my life in prison. I had never felt so much shame and loneliness as I felt that day when my cell door slammed shut. It was painful just to be me. I believe it was here that I made a choice to know God. It was here that I began to take recovery seriously.
I got out of prison after 14 months. I spent a year doing rehabs, domestic violence classes and jumping through all kinds of hoops. I was denied a transfer to Minnesota. They told me they didn't want me there because I had no respect for authority and that I was a threat to myself and others. I was journaling, praying and going to church every Sunday. I felt like I was losing the battle.
I remember sitting in the living room at my mom's house talking to my wife. I told her that I was at the end; if I didn't get out of San Diego I was going to die or be pack in prison. I was not going to make it and I knew it. It was during this talk that my parole officer called. He told me he wanted to congratulate me. I had paid my debt to society and was officially a free man. That was one of the greatest days of my life.
Recovery
After I moved to Minnesota, I met Jason. He is my mentor and my friend. Jason would often ask me to come to Celebrate Recovery on Monday nights with him, but I would gracefully decline. This went on for quite awhile until he told me about a Celebrate Recovery small group he was doing. He told me that he would love for me to do it with him. It was an opportunity to spend more time with him, so I agreed without thinking about it. It would prove to be one of the best decisions I ever made.
Since starting this class in December 2010, I have met some incredible men of God and experienced new relationships that are essential to my recovery. But most importantly, my relationship with the Lord just took off. It's those relationships that have given me the courage to really let God change my character defects.
The New Me
I want to share with you all of the wonderful things God is doing in my life today. Every single area of my life has been touched by God, and there is not one thing that doesn't benefit from my relationship with Jesus Christ. He has shown me joy in the things that used to cause me the most pain. For example, a few years ago just the thought of my daughter would bring me to tears. It still brings me to tears, but now it's usually when she is laying her head on my chest telling me "I love you daddy." It was a blessing to hear my mother say the words I waited so long to deserve, "Son I am proud of you." I can now look into my wife's eyes and see how much she loves me and believes in me. These are some of the areas I see God at work in my life. The Lord has restored my family and our relationships through my relationship with Him. I have learned how important family is to God.
I have absolutely no doubt that the Lord works on us through the people around us. There is not one day that I don't thank him for not abandoning me. I thank him every day for sending his Son to die for my sins so I can have this amazing relationship with Him. I can feel Him taking things away from me that hurt me or hinder my relationship with Him and replace them with attributes like courage, strength, honor and integrity. I see God at work all around me in how He is gentle and kind when I need correction. He is never pushy, but always a gentleman who is doing it out of love.
I have learned that I can find every answer to any problem by openly examining my relationship between us and how He is with me. I see Him teaching me about choices and accountability and how being obedient in the threshold of sin or temptation can bring forth life and truth instead of destruction and confusion. I see Him when I'm convicted for not raising my hands and worshiping the one who laid His life down for me. He's there to guide me and correct me when I lose my temper with my daughter. Through him, I have learned how to correctly discipline her. He is there to humble me when I selfishly hurt my wife. He gives me the courage to ask for forgiveness and reminds me what it means to love someone unconditionally.
He is there to meet me when I feel like a loser for being 40 and not having all of the things that everyone else my age has. He reminds me that it's those things that are causing them a lot of their problems. He helps me remember that the devil is a liar and the accuser of the brethren for a reason. He is there when I want to do the wrong things - His spirit speaks to my spirit and I overcome the temptation. When I give in, He corrects me and I confess my sins and repent and share my victories with the people around me.
Without a doubt, the hardest thing in life is to be Christ-like. I know that because of my relationship with Jesus Christ, I can continue to move forward and change and grow. He is constantly pulling me out of my comfort zone and showing me how I can trust Him and rely on Him.
My life is filled with joy and victories as well as failures. I walk in the grace that God has given me. I have forgiven myself and others as He has forgiven me. I see God rising up out of the ashes of what I called a life. He created a man in his image that will not faint in battle, and who is loving and compassionate to the people around him. He rose up a son, a husband, a father, a brother, and a friend. He has raised up a man who is not ashamed of the Gospel and who will not remain silent about the life changing power of Jesus Christ.
Back to Celebrate Recovery Page | CR Banners | CR Banner Stands and Retractors | CR Table Covers